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Troppe informazioni Martedì – il gas intestinali edizione (TMI #144) July 22, 2008

Posted by truthspew in TMI Tuesday.
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1. Are your farts;
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky

All depends on what I eat. Load me up with beer and broccoli and you get loud and strong gas. Apparently the bacteria in my gut have an affinity for those items.

Certain other foods are good for SBD’s though.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.

Yes I have.

Look, it’s a natural biological thing. Once foods make their way through the main absorption pathway they end up in the cecum (bowl) which is the interface between the small and large bowel and that’s where the bacterial fun begins. The large intestine has two functions, to absorb liquid and to compact waste. What we can’t digest gets processed by bacteria that live in our gut, specifically in the large intestine. And when those bacteria are having a feast they emit those gases like methane and the aromatic stuff.

And I’m not the only one. Keyron is a champion too, he’s just more nonchalant about it.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?

Nah, may as well own up to a masterpiece.

4. What food triggers you?

Vegetables in general which is natural since the fiber and cellulose content can’t be broken down by the normal digestion process. That’s when the aforementioned bacteria get involved. Those bacteria are in fact a species of E-Coli and when you die, it’s those bacteria that start eating YOU from the inside out.

Beer and soda are also good but they’re generally odorless because it’s just the CO2 and I much prefer beer to soda. I’ve pretty much cut out all the soda in my life.

Certain whole grain baked goods also trigger some gas formation since the larger carbohydrate molecules can’t necessarily be broken up by our upper gut, so the bacteria in the lower guy love a good complex sugar.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?

I don’t have a hell of a lot of experience with this but I know how it happens so I’ll have to say a good time for all.

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?

That would be cruel. If the blanket is heavy enough though you can have a time delayed bomb. Lift the covers and watch out.

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