Weapons of Mass Distraction

Today's Dental Experience March 2, 2007

Today I had a nice little visit with my dentist. This is the new dentist I started seeing about six months ago because my old dentist was pissing me off.

Some background is necessary here. The old dentist didn’t think my wisdom teeth were a problem, but those wisdom teeth were impacted and having some deleterious effects on my other molars. Yet old Dr. L on Smith St. in Providence, RI didn’t think it was a priority.

One of the first things the new dentist had me do was get the wisdom teeth out. Once those were out we started to repair the teeth that had been damaged by the impacted wisdom teeth. One required a root canal. Another had a cavity on the back surface of the tooth.

So today we worked on the latter. All I can tell you is that there isn’t enough novocaine/lidocaine in the world to dull the pain I felt. It wasn’t bad – just picture an electric cattle prod being directly connected to the nerve in the tooth. But we got it done and now that tooth is ok for the duration. In this instance I didn’t bite the dentist. But the pain did lead to two interesting thoughts.

First, it made me realize that if we ever have to do something like that again a benzo drip is absolutely necessary. I don’t want to be conscious or have any memory of the event.

Second, it made me want to take Dr. L and clamp his balls in a vice, and then continue to close the vice until he passes out from the pain. Then I’d consider it an even trade.